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Still Trying

I'm trying very hard to find the silver lining in my baby not napping.

She still desperately needs one.

Her mind and body are completely dysregulated. She's litterally fighting a battle inside her body.

When she can't nap, the entire afternoon and evening feels hijacked. Nothing happens the way its supposed to. None of our goals for the day get met.

She doesn't get happier and calmer, but rather continuously more tightly wound, more oversensitive, and looses not only all emotional control but her words and ability to verbalize her needs as well.

Yesterday, the entire afternoon and evening I spent either trying to get her to sleep, or engaging her in soothing activities trying to prepare her body and settle her brain to be receptive to sleep later. She had a terrible time falling asleep last night. And she woke up at least five times in the first three hours of the night after she  fell asleep.

The big kids need my help and attention, but they can't get it when I'm consumed with trying to keep my toddler from hurting herself or me or litterally tearing things to  shreds. She has bruises today from throwing herself around and banging into things yesterday. I have bruises and sctatches from her. And the big kids are lonely and bickering because their lives are disrupted as well.

This is where it feels like I'm surrounded by storm clouds and can't steer my way out.

I really want to see that silver lining.  ASAP...

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