There is an intersection where reading, and researching, and attempting, and, tweaking, and innovating, and failing all sputter out, and you find yourself just waiting.
This can be a seriously annoying and anxiety inducing time. Kind of like when you've been on a long drive and the baby is asleep, but as soon as you stop at that first red light, you are overcome with anxiety because the change in movement and sound is likely going to wake the baby who can't wake up because you're not there yet!!
On the flip side, it can also be really refreshing. Like when the kids all fall asleep on a car trip, and the only sounds are those of music or adult conversation, and while you know that it's temporary and they will soon wake up and create chaos once again, right here and now in this moment all you have to do is drive.
We are in that place. We are currently waiting. For several things. For evaluations, on waiting lists, for cooler weather, for answers, for therapy, for call backs, for the cleaning fairy, for lots of things. Some will come sooner than later, some will be much later in their arrival, and I'm pretty sure that cleaning fairy is a permanent no show.
Some days are nice, just throw out any expectations, let the kids veg out in front of screens and eat junk food.
But most of them have that don't-wake-the-baby feel. An ever present, though subtle anxiety that everything will just completely fall apart before you are in any position to intervene. Wait...we are just not there yet!!
Hopefully, we get a green light soon, and can get back on our way to steady, even if it's slow, progress.