hide-n-(sensory)-seeking

Kit does not do well with abstract ideas. She never has. This lack of abstract thinking is not limited only to Autistic minds. The concept of time is a good example. Toddlers and preschoolers in general have a very limited understanding of time, and that is part of what makes waiting so hard. Waiting is scary when you can't tell the difference between five minutes and forty, so everything feels like forty! But what about an even scarier abstract concept? One where people go away and never come back no matter how long you wait? You might not think death to be an abstract concept. To most adults the concept seems quite factual and concrete, at least the understanding that the person is no longer there with us and that they are not going to be back. But to young children, it might just be the most abstract concept they have ever encountered. To many young kids, death can seem scary. To some, their only exposure to the concept is in terms of technology. Our cell phone "died...

There are times when tragedy strikes and swift action is needed. We surge forward driven by adrenaline and instinct in order to prevent, aide, or repair. But then there are the kind which strip us of all power. We are helpless to change, prevent, aide, or repair. We can only grieve. And continue the constant march forward. There is no stopping. No pause. And the most important thing to do is simply to love. Love more. Love hard. In the wake of such, I am drawing my children a little closer. Studying their faces longer. Extra hugs, more kisses. And more remembering. I reflect on who I was when they were born. And who they were. Each one was so distinct in their personalities from even before they were born. They are each so incredibly powerful and rich in love, passion, and spirit! I have been reading some of my earlier letters to them that I hope to give them when they are older. With each year I have allowed life to keep me busy enough to sort of let this drift to the wayside...

Over the years I have seen my family grow and change. I am number four out of five siblings. Our Mom is blessedly still a big and important part of all of our lives. We have gained, and sometimes lost, spouses, in laws, grandparents, friends and children. Life has taken us all in many directions, and not always in the ones we anticipated, or even wanted to go in. We have more hilarious memories than we can count. But we have some very sad and painful ones too. Every one of us is very independent and sometimes ridiculously stubborn. This shared attribute can be an invaluable strength, but sometimes our own enemy. We've helped each other, annoyed each other, and sadly, hurt each other too. I don't know if that is ever completely avoidable. Pain, like change, in this life seems guaranteed. And right now our family is experiencing pain. Deep pain. Each in different ways at different depths and dimensions. But it is a hurt without a vo...