hide-n-(sensory)-seeking

This is my first letter to Kit. I started my journal of letters to her a little later than with the other kids. For a long time I couldn't quite figure out why. I'd had the journal since before she was born, but I just couldn't seem to get started. And then finally one day it hit me. Hers is no ordinary letter. Hers is music. Hers is a poem. And then I could write, for then I knew how. And still today, as true as then, she is words in motion, lyrical, and her own steady beat. *** April 2, 2012 You are my music baby. Through the music of love you came to us, Overpowering even nature itself. As my belly swelled, it was you who filled it,  with sounds, notes, beats. A whooshing, tiny heartbeat, Steady, unyielding, the baseline. Your musical score etched deep in each cell, playing out the symphony of your birth. Delicate ears heard the chorus of family. High notes, low notes. Some of those phrases so soft and tender. Others fast,...

There are times when tragedy strikes and swift action is needed. We surge forward driven by adrenaline and instinct in order to prevent, aide, or repair. But then there are the kind which strip us of all power. We are helpless to change, prevent, aide, or repair. We can only grieve. And continue the constant march forward. There is no stopping. No pause. And the most important thing to do is simply to love. Love more. Love hard. In the wake of such, I am drawing my children a little closer. Studying their faces longer. Extra hugs, more kisses. And more remembering. I reflect on who I was when they were born. And who they were. Each one was so distinct in their personalities from even before they were born. They are each so incredibly powerful and rich in love, passion, and spirit! I have been reading some of my earlier letters to them that I hope to give them when they are older. With each year I have allowed life to keep me busy enough to sort of let this drift to the wayside...