This week seemed heavier somehow, than the ones proceeding it.
And when I thought back and tried to find a word to describe that weight, the only one that felt right was...
It's what I have been doing the most of.
Waiting for packages to arrive to move forward with projects and plans.
Waiting for key electronics to reset and start working properly so that I can move forward with projects and plans.
Waiting for our chickens, now five months old to start laying eggs, any time now.
|This pic of Butterball is actually several weeks old now, her comb and waddle are getting bright red and growing out nicely, just wasn't able to get any good chicken pics this week.|
But some things I'm waiting for are heavier, more draining.
Waiting for my mind to stop thinking at night so I can finally drift off to sleep.
Waiting, even when I'm sleeping for the sound of Kit's voice in the middle of the night, "I want Mama."
Waiting to see if after nursing, and soothing her, she'll go back to sleep with ease, or if we'll be both be crying tonight.
Waiting for answers to questions about how to best meet my children's needs without dangerously neglecting my own.
Waiting for this oppressive summer heat to end for more than just a day here and there, which only serves to tease and taunt, rather than relieve me.
This one might be the hardest to deal with right now. I have withdrawn somewhat from social media in order to just glance or entirely skip over everyone's posts and pictures about leaves changing colors, the crispness of fall night air, curling up in front of cozy fires, and generally welcoming the change of season.
I desire to be experiencing all of those wonderful rites of Autumn. So much so my chest literally gets tight with longing. But those are not mine to be had right now.
Someday, a month or so from now, I'll wake up in the morning, and feel the real chill of the Southern Winter. Enough to need the heaters on, but not enough to merit even owning a real winter coat. And the pecans will fall from our trees, and the leaves as well, but there is no blazing change of color. One day they are green, and then they are just brownish and falling.
But it's enough to release me from the weight of the summer and the humidity and heat that make my head feel as though I'm 10,000 feet beneath the surface of the sea. It's enough to make me feel like I can breath again when I walk outside. Deep breaths that fill each cell with the desire to be part of the earth, to walk on it, surrounded by trees, and just lose myself in the quiet of nature's humming.
I'm still waiting for that. But while I do, I'll take advantage of all the days, though they be few and far between, that dip lower on the thermometer. And I'll be thankful that we're still on the side where more are coming rather than going. I definitely welcome the days on this side with much more fondness.
|Took a walk along the lake last Saturday when the temperature dipped into the comfortable high 70s.|
|It's still so summery here this Mama duck decided it's a good time of year to raise a few more ducklings!|
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