I have many moments when I feel like I'm spinning my wheels. That I am not helping my family to progress or work toward our goals well enough.
Like many mom's, I become overwhelmed with guilt and doubt. And all the things I'm doing wrong seem to stare at me and follow me around nagging at me. And after a while you do begin to believe it. Even just a little. And then you question yourself, a lot.
But every now and then you also get a glimpse of what you're doing right. You suddenly realize that all the work is beginning to show and that your seedlings are bursting up toward the sun.
We like watching plants grow in time lapse because the actual real time practice is arduous, painful and often boring.
Sometimes waiting for our work as parents to sprout can be just as little fun. Until...that moment when you see it!
That breakthrough, no matter how small! And you almost forget the back ache and mud on your pants, because... Look! It's here! It's growing! Reaching! Helping itself toward the sun.
I had one of those moments this weekend. I shared it on an Autism support site that I'm part of, and then I wanted to share it here too.
It's both a little thing and a huge deal all at once. Kind of like those picture's in Reader's Digest where they show you a small zoomed in part of a photograph, and it is amazing, but then you turn the page and it shows the whole thing, and it is a whole, huge, different amazing.
That is Kit lately.
And here is what I wrote:
I gave my daughter a bath tonight. She handed me a dinosaur and we played that my dino was trying to save the Lemon Meringue toy from my daughter. She was laughing and giggling and playing along and if I stopped for a second to wipe my face or change my position she would say "play with me!". Then when I was done playing she kept going with the game herself only she was the dino saving the girl.
She could not do this six months ago. Her bath time back then consisted of lining up poker chips along the back wall and putting plastic hangers on and off of her legs. She never asked us to "play with me!" And though we tried every bath to engage her in play, she would look at us like that was stupidest thing any human had ever attempted and then ignored or got mad at any further attempts.
Six months ago, my baby didn't know how to play. Nobody understood this, until our OT came along. All she did was dump and scatter, or line things up. Her eyes were anxious or at the very least distant.
Now she plays! She will engage and participate in back and forth games, and she goes along with imaginary scenarios and is starting to explore some of her own.
All the professionals thought I was paranoid and over concerned by seeking her diagnosis so early. THEY WERE WRONG!!
My daughter was diagnosed in Aug 2013 at the age of 23 months. She has been in OT and ABA since Oct and Nov, respectively. Today, she is 29 months old and is a completely different child!! Everyone says so, even those who doubted her dx to begin with. In Feb last year she had lost her vocabulary of over 20 words to only 1 functional word. By Aug, she had a vocabulary of about 20 words, but knew well over 200 signs and used ASL to communicate. She still uses signs, especially on bad days when her words get stuck, but now on average days her language and vocabulary exceed that of an average four year old!
Do not give up on your kids! And do not let the "professionals" make you feel like the "crazy lady/man". We have instincts for a reason!
A few weeks ago in one of her emails to me, a friend said this about Kit...
"And is it just me, or has she really blossomed in the last few months?! I'm so glad."
But because that guilty mom in me still knows all of the weak areas, the things that we've let slide, and her still daily struggles, I didn't reply right away because I wasn't sure how or what to say. But now I do, because I was reminded not to miss the little big things!
Yes! She has blossomed! Like an entire azalea bush just blazing with flowers!! A hot pink mess of gorgeous!!